Today we have the privilege of interviewing the Chinese Butterfly Whose Wings Cause Hurricanes In USA. Enjoy.
Me: So, hello there. How do you feel?
Butterfly: A little bit nervous, to tell you the truth. Is the camera recording?
M: Yes. Yes it is.
M: Can you tell us a bit about yourself?
B: Oh man, you have no idea what it’s like to be me. Imagine if millions of people blamed you for natural disasters. Then, imagine it being scientifically plausible. I am under a lot of stress to flap my wings just the right way, or BAM! Another Katrina.
M: Go on.
B: Well, I like moderately short flights on the beach, a romantic evening by the honeysuckle, you know, all the cheesy romantic stuff. When I was just a pupa, I thought I could find Mr. Right, settle down in a good flower bed, lay some eggs. I’m trying to find Mr. Right Now. I’m not getting any younger, and the creases in my wings are getting stiffer. You think I’m pretty, right?
M: (coughs uncomfortably) Uh, yes, you’re beautiful. Is there anything else you would like to share?
B: Well, I was the third of 900 siblings, I grew up in Beijing, and I like the color purple. I was also intelligently designed by Rikki Donnachie, folded by Paper Disciple, and embellished by Tanja Sova. She also made this base. Do you think it makes my abdomen look fat?
M: (Slightly too hastily) No, not at all. It matches your eyes well.
B: (Blushes) Thank you, you’re so sweet. Anyway, I have an 3 inches wingspan, which is actually pretty impressive for a girl my species. The base I am standing on is a slice of natural branch with bark (it was brought down by one of the hurricanes), and the Spanish moss probably won’t ever wilt. I look really good on an office shelf. (Looks at watch) I have to go rest soon, so I hope you don’t mind me leaving.
M: No, it’s fine. Thank you so much for this. Any parting words?
B: Yes. Just three.